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Children as next of kin
Children and young people in the family?
This information is for you if you have children or young people in your family. You may be a patient, a next of kin, or a parent of a sick child who has siblings.
At the hospital, we want to help ensure that the children and young people in your family are well cared for. Children are affected when someone in the family is ill. They need adults to be open and honest about what is happening.
We always ask our patients whether they have children or siblings under the age of 18. We ask the patient or the person accompanying them to the hospital, such as a support person or a parent.
We would like to know a little about how the children are doing. We do this by asking questions such as:
What are the children’s names and how old are they?
Where do the children live, and who looks after them while the patient is receiving treatment?
What do the children know about the illness and treatment?
If the children may need information or follow-up, we usually talk more about:
How the children are doing.
What the children need to know more about.
How the illness affects everyday family life.
Who can be a source of support for the children: in the family, in the neighbourhood or at school.
Conversations with you about the children: What the children have experienced, common reactions and how you can talk together about what is happening. Other topics may include what it is like for you to be a parent when your family is experiencing illness.
Conversations with the family or with the children on their own: What the children know, how everyday life has changed, whether everyone has the information they need, how the family is coping with the situation and what will happen next.
Arranging visits to the hospital for children and young people.
Information about good places to find knowledge, help and support.
Contact and cooperation with other services (for example, a public health nurse, school or others).
Tips and advice for the family
Children need openness when someone in the family is ill. Being open means talking about what is happening and how it feels. Children also need to be involved in making decisions and to help with tasks they can manage.
Below you will find advice and tips on what may be helpful to do before, during and after treatment. Since treatments vary in duration, you can read the advice all at once or at different points during treatment.
Tell the children about the illness and treatment as early as possible.
Think about what the children may have picked up on, what they know and what they may be wondering about.
Talk openly with the children about what is happening. Be honest, use words they understand and encourage them to ask questions if they are unsure about anything.
You may want to show them text, pictures or videos that explain the treatment or illness, or show what the hospital is like. Use information from the hospital or reliable websites.
Plan how you will stay in touch during a hospital admission (phone calls/messages/chat or visits to the hospital). Make a list of contact details for the hospital and keep it somewhere accessible at home so everyone knows where to find it.
Plan what needs to happen at home and make lists of everyday things such as meals, homework, housework and leisure activities.
Are there any special events in the children’s lives that need to be taken into account, such as birthdays?
Talk to the children about who will be told what is happening, for example family, nursery and school.
Ask the children who they would like to know about the illness and whether they would like to tell them themselves.
Talk with children and young people about what they can say if someone asks about the illness or treatment.
Tell the children about the treatment and prognosis. Be honest and specific.
We can advise you on how to talk to children. We can also join conversations, either on our own or together with you.
Talk to us about visits to the hospital and who the children’s contact people are.
Agree on how you will keep in touch during treatment.
Encourage the children to continue with their daily activities.
Keep in touch with family, nursery and school.
If you receive serious news: Tell the children after you have had time to react yourself. Involve other adults who care for them, and ask a healthcare professional to be present if you wish. Do not wait too long to tell the children.
Spend time together. Keep doing activities you enjoy or find new ones.
Talk to the children about how the illness and treatment have affected them and the family.
Tell the children that they can feel and think whatever they like, and that it is okay both to spend time alone and to be with friends.
Encourage regular leisure activities.
Talk together about what will happen next with the illness, work and everyday family life.
Talk together about the children’s responsibilities at home. Are they appropriate, or should they be changed?
Accept help and support from others, whether for small or large things, from family, friends, neighbours, nursery or school.
Keep in touch with school, nursery and leisure activity providers about the family’s situation and how the illness is developing.
Talk to someone if you are worried about the children.